When I was very young, perhaps 10 years old, I somehow developed fetishes and became very obsessed with objects of women such as stockings, underwear, even poop, then I gradually learned something about Scat, SM, Femdom, on the Internet, and downloaded lots of pics and movies about this. Now, I am a thorough Scat and SM lover and I know I will never return back to the normal sex again. But, about 3 months ago, my mom who had severe paranoia at the time got up secretly in the midnight and watched all those pics and movies on my computer, and what made me feel more disgusting was that she even told this to my divorced father and my uncle. Now most of people in my family get to know that I am a pervert but they just pretend they don’t know this, kinda like they don’t want to embarrass me. But I know they are laughing at me behind my back, because they are all traditional people but very talkative. My sister even indirectly ridicules me by asking me what “2 girls 1 cup” is. I feel very ashamed about it and I just cannot face reality, I even want to commit suicide. This ought to be my top secret which I thought I would absolutely not tell anybody else all my life, but now it has been pried and spread so easily. How could they do this to me? It ought to be my privacy. I think all I need now is to go to a distant place and sever the relationship with my family forever, or, just commit suicide. If you were me, what would you do in such situation? I really feel so helpless…